The billionaire, whose sole policies simply reflect everything that is wrong with society, made the comments in an desperate attempt to win over Walking Dead fans, cat haters and Sith lords hell bent on taking over the galaxy…again.
Saturday, 22 October 2016
Groper, nutball and presidential wannabe Donald Trump has stated he will declare war on Zombies, Cat Videos and the Jedi Empire, should he somehow win the upcoming American election.
Wednesday, 19 October 2016
Employees at Rushcliffe Borough Council are to be sent for brain scans, forced to undergo intelligence tests and checked to see if they are actually human following their decision to impose fines on the homeless in the affluent West Bridgford area of Nottingham.
Thursday, 6 October 2016
Tuesday, 28 June 2016
Conservative MP and best friend of the NHS Jeremy Hunt is to offer voters a best out of three referendum and promised to respect the wishes of the winner, so long as it’s the result he wants should he become the next Prime Minister.
Monday, 27 June 2016
Beleaguered Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is set to appoint a shadow cabinet that will shadow his new shadow cabinet in the event that members of his new shadow cabinet resign from the new shadow cabinet.
Monday, 23 May 2016
Chancellor George Osborne has delivered his starkest warning yet in relation to the EU referendum, by warning that a vote to leave the union will ultimately result in your death.
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Manchester United legend, all round good guy and threat to all women who refuse sex with him Robin van Persie, is recovering tonight after Swansea’s Ashley Williams attempted a blatant and outrageous murder attempt during the two side’s 1-1 draw this afternoon.
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
The Grim Reaper Service (GRS) have given humanity a glimmer of hope that we may yet be spared Armageddon after senior officials admitted they are ill prepared and are suffering from a severe staff shortage for the once in a lifetime event.
Friday, 16 November 2012
Almighty God, father to everyone, Lord Forgiver and Managing Director of Heaven, has announced he is stepping down at the end of the year to spend more time sitting on his backside and watch humanity plunge further into despair.