Former queen of pop, turned failed actress turned child hoarder Madonna is looking to her fan base in order to fund her next ‘adopted’ child it has been revealed.
The singer is touring Britain later this year and has advised fans who want to see her to start saving now because she don’t come cheap y’know. “Start saving your pennies now,” says the ageing, patronising mime artist. “People spend $300 dollars on crazy things like handbags. I’m worth it” Worth it? Is she the new face of L’Oreal or something? And I’m sorry but I could thing of better things to spend $300 on.
Because her ‘live’ shows (live meaning that she’s there) are always in high demand, promoters can charge a ‘premium’ rate or, as we say in English, a fucking extortionate amount of dosh.
One fan was outraged by the cost of the tickets. “How can she justify it? She mimes all the time and at a concert in the 80’s she was booed off stage. Admittedly that was near Leeds and people only turned up because they thought she was a Scottish kebab.”
Meanwhile another fan has taken a rather different approach to protesting about the cost. “I’ll buy a ticket but I’ll refuse to go,” says Alan Smith from Wigan. “We should all do that. Buy tickets and refuse to go. That’ll show her”.
However, one insider who refused to be named for fear of being crushed by Madonna’s boa constrictor arms said “she’s not arsed about how much the tickets cost. She’s looking to fund the purchase of another child.”
That news is sure to send ripples of concern throughout African nations and worried parents will be locking their children up while anxiously looking to the skies waiting for her plane to arrive, praying that Angelina Jolie is not on the same flight.
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob