An enormous police error has meant the wrong criminals have been evicted from the City of London.
Police moved in today to remove members of the banking industry before they caused further damage to our economy, but an error from the police command meant capitalist protestors camping peacefully outside St Paul’s Cathedral were removed and the bankers allowed to stay.
“It is true that the camp was removed by bailiffs,” said a police spokesman, but admitted the got the wrong people. “The move was supposed to happen at midday rather than midnight, which meant when bailiffs and police arrived, they saw the protestors and thought it was just a load of pissed up bankers.”
City of London police have since issued an apology to the regular people of Britain, who were hoping that the removal of bankers would make society better. Phil Parker of Newcastle said “I was hoping that this morning they’d all be gone, but they turned up for work as usual, ready to lose more public money in order to get a bonus. I don’t even think Al Qaeda could get rid of them.”
The error means that the City of London would have to apply again to the courts in order to try and remove the real criminals currently occupying financial institutions across the capital, but one banker, know only as Mr Bonusballs said “They’ll never evict us. We’ve been here for hundreds of years and we’ll stay here until we have completely fucked this country up.”
However there are some who consider the police got it right. Mayor of London Boris Johnson said, “It’s about fucking time this bunch of wankers were moved on. I personally think all protestors should be shot. I mean, what were they thinking? We’ve got the Olympics this year and I for one did not want that lot ruining it for us. Dickheads.”
Now the protestors have been moved on, Johnson has promised that more eyesores will be removed before the opening ceremony. “I’ve got a big list of shit we need to get rid of. Homeless people, hookers and chavs are high on the list, as is Katie Price, Kerry Katona and Nick Clegg. Oh look at that. Someone’s written Boris Johnson on there for a laugh. It was a joke, right?”
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
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