Friday 23 March 2012

Queen Gunning For Alan Hansen On Visit To MOTD Studios

The Queen and Prince Phillip visited the Match of the Day studio at Media City in Salford today and asked, “Where does that dickhead Alan Hansen sit?”

The visit was part of Her Majesty’s 60th jubilee tour and the football mad monarch was quite excited as she entered the MOTD studios.


“Ah, here’s where the magic happens,” she was heard to say to her husband, The Duke of Hazard Edinburgh, before kicking an imaginary football around the studio, stopping short of throwing her top over her head as she scored an imaginary goal.

“That was fun,” she announced. “Now, where does that dickhead Alan Hansen sit? He’s a stupid fucker that one.” An aid pointed to the spot where Hansen normally parks his mouth while his arsehole does all the talking.

“Hansen really grates on my tits,” said the queen, farting in his chair. “I watched the City game on MOTD the other night and the knob cheese tried to claim City shouldn’t have got a penalty. Well I’ll tell him now, it was a fucking penalty so shut up you clueless bastard. Phillip’s going to sort him out aren’t you dear?”

The queen is alleged to now be a big Manchester City supporter, after following Chelsea, Arsenal, Manchester United, Spurs and Liverpool in recent years. “I can support anyone I want. I’m the fucking queen and what I say goes.

After the queen left the studios, she was greeted by well-wishers outside Media City, however there were some people in the Salford crowd who were less than polite to their monarch.

“I didn’t vote for you,” shouted one ten year old, while another told the queen to get a real job. Her majesty later met with that particular protestor, who asked her what it was like living off state benefits for sixty years. “Well, give it another forty and you’ll find out,” quipped Her Majesty.

“I’m entitled to live off your taxes because I’m you’re queen. What’s your excuse?” Asked Her Majesty, before turning to her husband and whispering “Add that little chav to your list. There you go Phillip, I told you I’d call someone a chav today.”

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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