Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Britain Close To Completing Large Boot For Abu Qatada's Unwelcome Posterior

The British Government have confirmed they are close to completing a huge, metal boot on the south coast of England, which will be used to kick hate cleric Abu Qatada out of the country.

The huge structure has been under construction since Qatada’s release from jail earlier this year and government officials have confirmed that they are now in the final stages of the project, with the testing set to be carried out in time for the extremist’s deportation back to Jordan.

“It’s beautiful,” said one of the workers on the project. “Basically, if you’ve seen the new version of Mouse Trap, it’s very similar to the boot on there, only bigger, obviously.

“It’s a big steel boot, fifteen feet high and sits in a large frame. The boot is drawn back and held in place by a rope. Then the deportee, Qatada, is then stood on the platform while the rope is cut, sending the boot down, kicking him up the arse and flinging him back to Jordan while the crowd cheers and throws stuff at him. I can’t wait to see it in action.”

But Human Rights idiots have criticised the deportation procedure, asking why he just can’t be put on a plane instead. “It’s ridiculous that the government are using this method, when we have aircraft that can fly him there. It’s dangerous and should be illegal.”

However a government spokesman defended the new procedure. “Oh fuck off with your Human Rights,” said the spokesman today. “We’ll give him a fucking crash helmet, if it’s that important. “Let’s face it; it’s more than he would give innocent members of the public, given half the chance so I think we’re being quite lenient on that one.”

And the government confirmed that the boot will be used to kick other people out of the country once it makes its debut with Qatada. “There are all sorts of people that need kicking out of this country,” continued the spokesman. “Illegal immigrants, politicians, publicity whores and people who think they are celebrities etc, so this boot will do the trick and the indignity of the kicking will stop them from ever coming back.”

Qatada’s unceremonious deportation should hopefully be quite soon, with a whole host of TV companies queuing up to cover the event. However Rupert and James Murdoch have declined the offer to attend the ceremony, preferring to watch the event from the relative safety of distant shores.

Wonder why that is?
May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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