Greater Manchester Police have launched an investigation into the disappearance of overweight women from
Manchester’s Fat Lady Singing Community following ’s win over neighbours United that took the blues to the top of the Premier League table. Manchester City
The women were last heard singing across the city on the evening of April 8th, ironically the same day that Manchester United moved 8 points clear of City at the top of the Premier League. On the evening in question, several fat ladies were sighted warming up their vocal talents and one rather obese woman was heard singing well into the night.
But since then, United’s lead has dwindled and City have sensationally replaced them at the top of the Premier League, meaning the singing has become less and finally stopped after Monday’s derby, prompting the police enquiry.
Inspector Roger Dorsey from Greater Manchester Police, who is leading the investigation said, “On April 8th, we were inundated with reports of fat ladies singing, particularly from the Trafford area. However we have heard nothing from them since, so we are appealing for members of the public to come forward if you know anything in relation to their sudden silence.”
Inspector Dorsey issued a description of one woman they are very concerned about. The woman is described as a large female (obviously), wearing a red shirt with AON splashed across the front. She was last seen on the evening of April 8th, singing well into the night at the top of her voice. One notable feature, as well as being huge, was the particularly smug, superior look across her face, however Inspector Dorsey believes she may well have changed her appearance.
“We believe she will look very different from three weeks ago,” said Inspector Dorsey. “The red top may have been binned and the smug look wiped from her face and replaced with one of shock and desperation. She may also have a twinkling in her eye as she considers changing from red to blue. Anyone who has seen a fat lady fitting this description is urged to contact us immediately.”
And a police spokesman has warned against any further fat ladies singing until at least May 13th. “Following the disappearance of these women, we strongly recommend that members of the Fat Lady Singing Community refrain from using their vocal chords until such a time that the fate of the Premier League title is decided, or in other words, when
win it. We don’t want any more disappearances or indeed, any incidences of eggs connecting with faces, as in the case of these poor missing women.” Manchester City
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
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