She was opening the new £25m academy at a place called
Harold Hill, which disappointingly looked nothing like the TV comedian and,
after spending time watching students complete experiments, complained about
the lunch on offer.
“Is this really what peasants eat? I don’t fucking think
so,” the Queen was heard whispering as she was presented with her meal. “I
wanted pie and chips and they give me fucking lamb. I was looking forward to
eating like a peasant today. For fucks sake.
“What’s the point in coming all this fucking way, open
another bloody school, watch the same shit experiments just to be fed posh
crap. I eat that stuff all the time. If I come to a school I expect to feed
like a lesser person. Jesus.”
The comments came after the Queen had enjoyed a glass of
wine with her meal and a Buckingham Palace insider said, “we all know what
she’s like when she’s had a drink inside her. She gets a bit gobby doesn’t
she?”
Wine was served for the adults and the Queen insisted on
having a couple of bottles to herself and was seen swigging from them and
various intervals around the school. “If I have to eat that shit they’ve given
me I need to wash it down with something good,” she commented as her team
hurried her past the new music room.
“We didn’t want her to go in there, “explained the insider. “She’d think it was it karaoke bar and we’d have been there all day.”
Later on in the day, the Queen watched a scene from The
Little Shop of Horrors, performed by pupils from the school but fell asleep mid
way through the performance, much to the relief of her team. “When she woke she
was okay. Luckily, she didn’t remember the last couple of hours so we were
okay.
“We’re just relieved Philip didn’t turn up or we would have been fucked then.”
May the force be with you
The Fed Up Jedi
Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
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