Obama secured a second term in office during yesterday’s
elections and Cameron congratulated the President, saying he had really enjoyed
working with him over the last few years and was looking forward to working
with him again over the next four years, completely forgetting the fact that
Cameron himself is likely to be out of office in three.
“He’ll just fudge over that fact, like he does with
everything else,” said a Downing Street
spokesman today. “He hasn’t got a clue what’s going on to be honest. He’s
exactly what the public think he is – a twat.”
And the spokesman continued by translating what Cameron
really meant. “Basically, he’s just saying he’s looking forward to being
Obama’s bitch for as long as possible. That’s what he really means. At the end
of the day, Obama’s cock isn’t going to suck itself, is it?”
The spokesman continued by giving details of Cameron’s
conversation with Obama when the PM phoned him shortly after his victory. “They
were on the phone for quite a while. Big Dave phoned Obama and said he was
pleased to be working for him again then he started giggling like Jimmy Savile
in borstal.
“Then it started getting a little rude,” the spokesman continued.
“Obama said something then Dave replied by saying ‘so it is true that once
you’ve had black there’s no going back’ then laughed like an utter twat. I
stopped listening when they started talking about Dave wearing a gimp mask on
Air Force One. That was just too much for me. I’m off to hospital later to have
my mind’s eye removed.”
Meanwhile Labour leader Ed Milliband also congratulated
Obama on his achievement at winning a second term in office. “It’s a wonderful
achievement, I can’t even win fucking one so to win two is tremendous.
“But I’ll get my chance in three years. One day Barack, one
day I swear I will replace Cameron and be your bitch.”
May the force be with you
The Fed Up Jedi
Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
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