Self-confessed disabled hater Osborne said voting to leave the EU will almost certainly mean you will die, with the elderly and terminally ill among the most at risk. “You will die if we leave, so a vote against us will condemn the entire country. Is that something you want on your conscience?” Asked the chancellor earlier today.
Supporters of the leave
campaign dismissed Osborne's obvious attempt at scaremongering by
pointing out that people die anyway, however the Tory slimeball
poured scorn on their claims. “That is absolute nonsense,” he
retorted. “Only through the EU can you achieve immortality. It's on
the same line as splitting your soul into seven, a bit like
Voldemort, only this time you have to share it with twenty seven
other countries. No biggie.”
Osborne's claims
regarding death are the latest in a long line of claims, which
started with his prediction that the UK could be plunged into a week
long recession, house prices will drop by 0.00000000000001% and
people would be forced to work a five day week.
“It's all true,”
insisted Osborne. “Every last word of it. Me and Dave sat down the
other night and worked out the best way to try and scare the shit out
of you...I mean the best way to tell you. Please don't print that
last bit.”
With exactly one month
to go to the referendum, Osborne and best mate Davey 'The Pie'
Cameron will be going all out to convince you that voting in is in
your best interests. “We've got some absolute corkers lined up over
the next few weeks,” a spokesman for Osborne said this evening.
“Although we had to cancel the zombie apocalypse one as Boris said
he was prepared for it. That would have been funny as hell, however
I'm sure that telling people the sun will blow up if we vote out will
swing it.”
May the force be with
you.
Bob
May the force be with you The Fed Up Jedi Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
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